Midnight Musings

I haven’t posted in a while. So why not an impromptu blog post with minimal editing?

My recent struggles have been surrounding fitting in. After realizing my coping mechanisms were failing and my defense mechanisms were strongly succeeding, I knew I had to do some reflecting and make some changes. This weekend I have excitedly read everyone’s posts from Woodhull wishing I had the courage and success to attend such an event. I have been working on a piece for a long time about how feelings of not fitting in (whether rational or not) can really hinder a person’s life. I guess now is a great time to unpack all these feels about fitting in.

Growing up I never felt that I belonged. I wasn’t girly enough, I wasn’t sporty enough, I didn’t participate in social events and it continues. Over the years it has led me to not being comfortable around my peers and my social skills can disintegrate as soon as I am uncomfortable. As I get older I continue to become more aware of these habits and continue to troubleshoot ways to get back on track. I need to learn how to accept myself, ignore what others think about me, and focus on surrounding myself with positive relationships. Easier said than done.

I tend to get ahead of myself. I tend to start making plans in my head about how I will change my life and do great things (like building this blog) but as soon as I take a few steps… I fall on my face or I give up. Now it is time to stop these behaviors. To stop being so hard on myself. To stop overthinking. It is time to take my time growing. Thank you for reading and witnessing each and every step in the right direction.

If any of my readers are from the GTA gimme a shout and let’s attend one of the great sex positive events in Toronto. I will be terrified but it would be fun.

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